I live with my girlfriend in New York City. I was laid off from my job more than 6 months ago. She is an artist that works as an Executive Assistant for an established commercial construction company as her day job. At the moment, she earns $54,000 a year. Every 6 months, she receives an evaluation to determine whether or not she would get a raise. She has a 401K and full health insurance because of this job. Even after I was laid off, I still contributed 50% towards all the expenses through my unemployment benefits.
I recently was accepted into Grad school in a technology program that would guarantee me work once I graduate. Even though I’m happy to be accepted, I will need to live frugally for the next two years.
Today, my girlfriend told me that she wants to leave her job just because she wants a change. She has been offered a position for $30,000 as an administrative assistant for a small realty company. This is a new business, and I do not even know if she would receive quality insurance if she takes the position. I feel that the timing is way off, since I’m trying to figure out all of our expenses for the next two years. She would essentially be leaving her job for one where she could possibly be forced to live paycheck to paycheck in New York City (which is a very expensive city). Also, there is not guarantee that the position will last especially if the business folds.
Am I wrong to think that she is crazy to leave here job for another job in a start-up with nearly a 50% pay cut? Being unemployed during these economic times, I realize that having a job is a blessing while having a well-paying job is more than a blessing. Am I wrong to think that she is being impractical to make this change when I’m on the verge of attending grad school with student loans? If she loses her job while I’m in the middle of grad school, I do not know what will happen. Today, she has a secure job. I would not leave it. After I graduate, I plan to find work and move to a more affordable city (ex. Austin) with my girlfriend, so I just want her to be patient.
To clarify to anyone that does not know how to read between the lines, my girlfriend is NOT putting me through school, and she has not been paying more for the expenses since my layoff. Everything has been split 50%. It was the same way when I was employed. My girlfriend is a painter. Her dream is to be a full-time painter. If she were to pursue that, I have no problem with this. The job she is considering is NOT her dream job. She just get bored easily being at one job. I know for a fact that she runs the risk of possibly losing her job if she pursues this position. I’m just saying that I would be in no position to support her if she lost her job – especially if I’m in grad school.
It sounds like she’s being a bit selfish, and you might want to ask her if she’s really committed to your relationship and spending your lives together. It just seems like the timing is really off, and it’s such a risky job move for her too.
I think you need to sit down and have a long talk with her about your future. It might be better for you to split, apply for financial aid, and live in the dorms or a much cheaper place while you finish your degree. I applaud you for taking this opportunity to better your skills and your job prospects in the future, but it doesn’t sound like she does, or else she hasn’t put much thought into her future with you.
My husband worked a lot of overtime to help put me through grad school, and now I have a much better job, we have a beautiful home, and our lives are so much better for it.
May 12th, 2011 at 9:33 am
My suggestion to her would be much different than my suggestion to you.
To her, I would say follow your dreams. If your boyfriend is unwilling to marry you at this point or you don’t want to marry him, don’t support him in any way shape or form if he fails to support your dreams over mere money. Plenty of fish in the sea. Too many people working 9 to 5 just to pay the bills.
To you I would say, it is only unreasonable if you are committed to each for life. To be blunt, you have failed as an economic provider. If she wants to support you without a life time commitment, that’s fine. However, it is unreasonable to expect someone to put their happiness on hold without a guarantee…that is esp. true if the one person has already failed to live up to expectations.
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May 12th, 2011 at 9:39 am
It sounds like she’s being a bit selfish, and you might want to ask her if she’s really committed to your relationship and spending your lives together. It just seems like the timing is really off, and it’s such a risky job move for her too.
I think you need to sit down and have a long talk with her about your future. It might be better for you to split, apply for financial aid, and live in the dorms or a much cheaper place while you finish your degree. I applaud you for taking this opportunity to better your skills and your job prospects in the future, but it doesn’t sound like she does, or else she hasn’t put much thought into her future with you.
My husband worked a lot of overtime to help put me through grad school, and now I have a much better job, we have a beautiful home, and our lives are so much better for it.
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May 12th, 2011 at 10:09 am
How old is she anyways? 21? I can understand she might be a bit prissy about things when she’s that age but if you’re in your late 20′s you should have your feet in the ground by now. She doesn’t even like the 30,000 a year job anyways and it’s not a painting job either. It’s a new company, has a 50% risk of going bankrupt anyways and it’s not even her dream job.
I don’t see why can’t she paint in her free time in the afternoons and weekends and go sell paintings in a street corner in a burgoise district in NYC in her free time. I know a lot of painters that do this (however most of them are retired living with a stable pension and do this more as a hobby). I’d rather see painting as a fun hobby than to struggle living paycheck to paycheck flipping burgers while living in a stingy 1 room apartment with another 5 strangers in a ghetto but living "the dream".
She should know by now what the difficult job prospects are as a professional painter and how only a tiny fraction of them ever become wealthy. If she hasn’t realized this, the two of you are going to end up having more fights about money and will split bitterly.
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