I live with my girlfriend in New York City. I was laid off from my job more than 6 months ago. She is an artist that works as an Executive Assistant for an established commercial construction company as her day job. At the moment, she earns $54,000 a year. Every 6 months, she receives an evaluation to determine whether or not she would get a raise. She has a 401K and full health insurance because of this job. Even after I was laid off, I still contributed 50% towards all the expenses through my unemployment benefits.
I recently was accepted into Grad school in a technology program that would guarantee me work once I graduate. Even though I’m happy to be accepted, I will need to live frugally for the next two years.
Today, my girlfriend told me that she wants to leave her job just because she wants a change. She has been offered a position for $30,000 as an administrative assistant for a small realty company. This is a new business, and I do not even know if she would receive quality insurance if she takes the position. I feel that the timing is way off, since I’m trying to figure out all of our expenses for the next two years. She would essentially be leaving her job for one where she could possibly be forced to live paycheck to paycheck in New York City (which is a very expensive city). Also, there is not guarantee that the position will last especially if the business folds.
Am I wrong to think that she is crazy to leave here job for another job in a start-up with nearly a 50% pay cut? Being unemployed during these economic times, I realize that having a job is a blessing while having a well-paying job is more than a blessing. Am I wrong to think that she is being impractical to make this change when I’m on the verge of attending grad school with student loans? If she loses her job while I’m in the middle of grad school, I do not know what will happen. Today, she has a secure job. I would not leave it. After I graduate, I plan to find work and move to a more affordable city (ex. Austin) with my girlfriend, so I just want her to be patient.
To clarify, my girlfriend is NOT putting me through school. I am using my own funds. My concern is that this new job is not secure; and, if she loses this job, I do not know how I would be able to support her. She is my girlfriend, but I intend to marry her after I finish school. We have been together for 4 years already.
You do not sound crazy and it sounds like your girl friend is not being practical. With that said, it is her choice and if it is something that will make her happy you will have to be able to respect her choice. If I were in your shoes I would just remind her of your concerns, but I would not force her her in to making the choice you want her to make.
May 9th, 2011 at 3:05 pm
If her current job is stressing her out and making her unhappy, then its not worth staying at any price. Plus, if she’s able to move out of New York city for the new job she’ll save a ton of money on living expenses which will make the $30k salary go farther.
She’s your girlfriend, not your wife. She doesn’t have to work a job she hates just to put you through school. If she’s content to live on $30k/ year, that’s her business.
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May 9th, 2011 at 3:33 pm
You do not sound crazy and it sounds like your girl friend is not being practical. With that said, it is her choice and if it is something that will make her happy you will have to be able to respect her choice. If I were in your shoes I would just remind her of your concerns, but I would not force her her in to making the choice you want her to make.
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May 9th, 2011 at 3:50 pm
It’s hard to say without exploring why she would want to leave her current situation. Likely she’s not real happy there. Having some experience with women, you probably want to explore the answer to that question before jumping down her throat for not making the correct economic decision.
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May 9th, 2011 at 4:03 pm
I agree it’s not a practical decision, but she’s an artist… and the same qualities you love about her can drive you crazy. That’s true for any relationship and I bet she balances you out since you sound like you’re practical. Have you considered moving to Austin or one of those other affordable cities now and getting your masters there? If it’s cheaper than NYC, why not start saving money on monthly expenses now rather than waiting on graduation? I would check out jobs and schools available in those cities asap, just in case. It’s not uncommon for a business to help you get a masters degree… you just may have to put that on hold for a little while and establish yourself.
I definitely agree with the previous answer that you should talk to her. I find it interesting that she mentioned the new job only after it was offered – how long has she been looking? And I agree that forcing her to stay with a job that makes her unhappy could equate to her thinking you don’t want her to be happy. If you two are open to the option of moving, now or later, the cost of living will be a factor but so will the social/art aspects. You end by saying you just want her to be patient, I bet her side comes down to a similar desire. See if you can compromise (and think outside of the box).
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